you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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