Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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