Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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