We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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