sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
