Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
love makes seman taste better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
