They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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