know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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