Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
