The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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