the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
