I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
