you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
