FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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