Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
two words: eviction party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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