Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need a burrito and a hug.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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