i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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