Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
