Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
