I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize