mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
