just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
