peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
