R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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