god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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