Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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