He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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