I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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