I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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