So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
