I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
