Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
