I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
