real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we're so committed to being not committed
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