Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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