dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
