I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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