is your mom at the bar?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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