i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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