One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
