If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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