Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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