respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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