This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
