i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
