im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
