did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
