My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
