You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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