we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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