i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
