I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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