guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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