It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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