I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize