she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
