I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
