Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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