SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone came in the potted fern
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
