So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
