I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
