Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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