4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
