i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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