i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
