Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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