why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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